Emo Speaks (Through the 'voice' of Kerkiemonster)
*Ahem*
Hello.
Testing one, two, three.
Dammit. It's a guy again.
It wasn't that long ago that fathers beat the crap out of their boys when I showed up in fear of them turning gay. But then again, it wasn't that long ago that fathers beat the crap out of their boys even when I didn't show up.
Hell, it still happens. But hey, that ain't my problem. You can go check out my brother Angry, our godfather Drunk or that twice-removed distant relative Other-excuses-for-beating-up-your-kid.
Well, let me run through my checklist. ZOT GGI for an indefinite period of time, checked. Constantly suppressed feelings, checked. Too much time, space and brains, checked. Guess I didn't accidentally emerge from some innocent fellow. Accidents happen from time to time.
What's wrong with being Emo? I'm sick and tired of constant harassment and I'd like to take this opportunity to say a few things. I first awoke when cavemen decided that the dinosaurs were being a tad too mean, the weather was too cold and they weren't going to be able to do anything about it.
Or rather, they whined so much that the Powers That Be blinked for a second. Now time is rather relative as Einstein says, and the 'second' that the Universe was left under no supervision after eons of being closely scrutinized, it rebounded like a fat kid who hasn't had sweets for a week being given the keys to the candy store, albeit in a more magnified way.
Some bright spark discovered fire and would have been hailed as a god if she wasn't knocked on the head with a club and dragged home by her hair. The dinosaurs were sent to Kingdom Come and the Ice Age was over just like that.
Of course the man who knocked the woman out had been sent by The Powers That Be to make sure that she wasn't rewarded for her act of treason. It was a simple punishment, but sometimes all it takes is a slight nudge to start a neverending chain of dominoes. The repercussions would forever echo down the corridors of history. The man stole the credit for discovering fire and from that day forth, men took over as the dominant sex.
The Powers That Be punished me by banishing me from the dominant male species of homo sapiens. I was to stick with the subservient female species. And to limit the women, one of whom had discovered fire, I'd emerge in a nasty form of myself on certain days of their biological cycle to ensure that they were too busy with me to alter the world anymore drastically than they already had.
So, I was literally smacked around and given a bad name for helping the most ungrateful bunch of buggers walking on two feet. Damn! This always happens to me!! Everytime I want to talk, something as unimportant as a football match just has to interrupt my host! I'll be back. Again. As Always.
Hello.
Testing one, two, three.
Dammit. It's a guy again.
It wasn't that long ago that fathers beat the crap out of their boys when I showed up in fear of them turning gay. But then again, it wasn't that long ago that fathers beat the crap out of their boys even when I didn't show up.
Hell, it still happens. But hey, that ain't my problem. You can go check out my brother Angry, our godfather Drunk or that twice-removed distant relative Other-excuses-for-beating-up-your-kid.
Well, let me run through my checklist. ZOT GGI for an indefinite period of time, checked. Constantly suppressed feelings, checked. Too much time, space and brains, checked. Guess I didn't accidentally emerge from some innocent fellow. Accidents happen from time to time.
What's wrong with being Emo? I'm sick and tired of constant harassment and I'd like to take this opportunity to say a few things. I first awoke when cavemen decided that the dinosaurs were being a tad too mean, the weather was too cold and they weren't going to be able to do anything about it.
Or rather, they whined so much that the Powers That Be blinked for a second. Now time is rather relative as Einstein says, and the 'second' that the Universe was left under no supervision after eons of being closely scrutinized, it rebounded like a fat kid who hasn't had sweets for a week being given the keys to the candy store, albeit in a more magnified way.
Some bright spark discovered fire and would have been hailed as a god if she wasn't knocked on the head with a club and dragged home by her hair. The dinosaurs were sent to Kingdom Come and the Ice Age was over just like that.
Of course the man who knocked the woman out had been sent by The Powers That Be to make sure that she wasn't rewarded for her act of treason. It was a simple punishment, but sometimes all it takes is a slight nudge to start a neverending chain of dominoes. The repercussions would forever echo down the corridors of history. The man stole the credit for discovering fire and from that day forth, men took over as the dominant sex.
The Powers That Be punished me by banishing me from the dominant male species of homo sapiens. I was to stick with the subservient female species. And to limit the women, one of whom had discovered fire, I'd emerge in a nasty form of myself on certain days of their biological cycle to ensure that they were too busy with me to alter the world anymore drastically than they already had.
So, I was literally smacked around and given a bad name for helping the most ungrateful bunch of buggers walking on two feet. Damn! This always happens to me!! Everytime I want to talk, something as unimportant as a football match just has to interrupt my host! I'll be back. Again. As Always.
