I'm Awake

First of all, I'd like to thank Ms Fish. She kept me company the whole night/morning as I put her on repeat mode ad infinitum. Her songs are seriously evergreen.

Been talking to a few close friends on the topic of love. 'Cause I'm as sensitive as a porn star's dick after a hard day's work when it comes to love. Sure I've had so many crushes. But I've usually never made any real effort to 'chase' them. Sometimes I never ever tell them. 'Cause to me, our friendship is more precious? Is that a loser mentality?

I'm just speaking from personal experience. When I know that a girl has a crush on me but I don't like her, I will usually try to distance myself away from her. It's embarrassing and awkward. Like when she calls you, asks you out, sms you so often but you don't know how to hint to her that, "Uh...I think we should stay as friends?" So I'll always distance myself away. A fledgling friendship can go kaboom just like that.

I don't want that to happen to me. Ever. I don't mind just staying friends and not moving on to the next stage. I've made a few close 姐妹 this way. I'll always leave a sweet spot for them in my heart. Kinda like a secret that only I know. I've shared my secret with a few of them. Usually they're like "Huh, really ar? You used to like me? Haha...I never knew! Now we 姐妹 liao then you say!"

I've never once regretted any of my decisions. 'Cause these 姐妹 turn out to be some of the most wonderful and supportive friends I have. Even though I haven't seen some of them for some time, I know that they will be there when I need them.

But if you're reading this and you're one of my 姐妹, there's no need to be paranoid over whether I've had a crush on you before. KerkieMonster got standards one! You think you're really that hot meh? Haha...I don't have THAT many crushes la. And since we're 姐妹 already, means that I don't/can't have the hots for you anymore. That'd be like incest! Yucks!

Oh yeah, forgot to mention this 2 coming Saturdays will be action packed! This Sat got lunch with Daphne for her birthday then something special at night. Next Friday is mahjong with Brenda,Yan,Kevin and Des followed by BBQ at Saturday night for Brenda's birthday. Haven't seen Brenda,Yan,Kevin in years!! And Des in months!!

So that's that. Another pack of Famous Amos cookies from 7-11 expended while typing this superbly incoherent and meaningless entry. So what am I doing waking up so early? Actually, I didn't sleep. Was studying 'till 5am and can't get to sleep now. It's like when you starve too often, your appetite gets smaller.

Speaking of starving and appetite, I need to gain weight like seriously. It's quite sick when you can see your own heartbeat. Got to stop wasting food and eat more carbo and sweet stuff. My bad habit of wasting food started in JC. Like buying a bowl of noodles at the school canteen. Once I sit down and look at the bowl of noodles my appetite goes down the drain. It's akin to being Anorexic except I don't want to be thin and I don't throw up what I eat.

It's all in the brain I guess. Just got to tell myself to eat eat eat eat eat. Hope everything goes fine and a brand-new KerkieMonster comes out of the oven a few months later. Going to eat my breakfast already. Haven't had breakfast since.....I can't even remember the last time I had breakfast. Haha! 'Nuff said. The Hunger beckons.

In the words of Furion the Prophet, "I'm awake, I'm awake."